Hello everyone!
It's 2017 already, goodness. I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas and New Year and I wish happiness and prosperity to everyone following me!
Hopefully this year will bring good news and good opportunity!
I get very pensive, and as the title of this journal will suggest, nostalgic around this time of year. I just spent 20 minutes reading through the earliest journals on this account from when I was 13 (screams quietly) and even some ones from 2015, and it's rather jarring to realise i'm an entirely different person now. I'm not surprised I had half the trouble come to me that I did while I was in the furry and sonic fandoms respectively -- I really was a fighty little shit; I had backchat ready for anything and I was so, so defensive >_>''
Incredibly embarrassing, but sobering nonetheless. It almost makes me thank my depression for making me grow up and mature, seeing the world in a different, albeit numb and sadder perspective, because even if I am kind of jaded and anxious, I'm a better person than I was years ago, and that's something that comforts me in an odd sense. Nobody can hate me more than I already hate myself, amirite /fingerguns
That leads me onto the main point of this journal. I want to thank every single person who's followed me over the years and watched me grow, I joined this website and garnered my first following when I was barely 12 years old (yes, I got banned multiple times haha), and I've spent the majority of my childhood online. One of the cons is that I did and said very very distasteful things in the past, showing a very ugly side of who I was, and despite that I still had people following me and supporting my artwork, even if it was quietly through favourites and I've come to realise that, since I'm coming out of a mental low point, that not being able to share my work recently and getting that creative feedback made me feel... Purposeless, in a sense. It supported me more than I realised, despite all the anxiety I got with it.
I also, on the off chance that anyone reads this who I had the dreaded Drama
™ with, want to sincerely apologise to those who I have wronged. As I said, I was fighty, defensive, and didn't know what I was doing half of the time. Instead of picking fights with those who hurt me, I should've analysed and thought about why they were doing it in the first place -- half of them being troubled young people too, who just wanted help or attention.
I told myself that letting go will make me healthier, so to start the new year, in the vague hope that they may end up reading this, I forgive you and I am sorry for any negative and unfounded actions I had during these altercations.
This got kind of lengthier than I thought, I forgot how good journals are to splay out your jumbled up brain processes haha. Anyway, I hope y'all had fun reading that, but for a tl;dr: I'm sorry to those I've hurt, I forgive those who've hurt me, and I love every single one of you who support me and I wish everyone a wonderful new year, and I'm hoping to start uploading more art!
peace out, for now!
♥♥♥♥
